Building a Dream Life

What would your dream life look like?

What would your dream life look like? This is a question I've been pondering this week. Reflecting on my post from last week when I wrote about how I felt during the first lockdown in 2020, I've been wondering why I've been feeling the way I have for the past year or so. I have very obvious answers to that but I feel like there may be more to it. Perhaps I'm having some kind of mid (ish) 40s crisis. I'm going to refrain from saying mid life crisis… not sure I'm there quite yet.

I've been on holiday from work this week. In the couple of weeks before, I have been thinking about what I wanted to do with the two week break from work. I was excited about my plans but now that I have the space and time to do those things I've done very few of them. Why? Well, fear, ultimately. Procrastination. Sheer exhaustion from my full time job. But fear is the one thing that I keep coming back to.

You see, the things I had planned to do would help me to build my dream life. They would be a step towards what I'd like to be doing with my evenings, weekends and holidays. But in order to do them I have to step out of my comfort zone. I have to step out from behind the curtain and onto the stage, into the spotlight. And it's scary out there. I like my comfort zone. I like backstage where no one can see me. But then there's this part of me that actually wants to be seen. But it's always afraid of being misunderstood.

When I was little I wanted to perform. I watched gymnasts, dancers, ice skaters, singers on TV and that's what I dreamed of doing. I've done some of those things as hobbies. I've sang solos which seems completely out of character for me to some people, and I've sang in choirs, including at the Royal Albert Hall! I've taken dance lessons - tap, ballet, Latin and ballroom. I've danced at 1940s dances and loved every minute! These things are me being me. But to many people they are things that they wouldn't expect me to do. They're the part of me that I keep hidden, almost like I need to protect them from outside criticism.

I read quite a few different Substack posts in a week. One in particular struck me this week. It was written by Mackenzie who writes The Lovely Road and it talks very much of the way I’ve been feeling recently. The post is near-life experiences and Mackenzie talks of “living life to the fullest” and not settling for “almost.” This is exactly it! I want to do more things that are “me” regardless of what other people might think about them.

My dream life is filled with creativity. It doesn’t look all that different to what I have. I’ve never wanted to travel the world or do wild and crazy things. All I want is to create pieces of art, music, sing, dance, read, write, have enough energy to do these things in the evenings and weekends and holidays, feel healthy, wear the clothes I want to wear rather than what I think I should wear, fill my garden with beautiful flowers and food that I’ve grown myself, visit places that might mean taking a bigger leap out of my comfort zone, set up the side hustle idea that I’ve been thinking about and doing very little about for a year now, and many, many other things besides.

So I am going to use what’s left of this holiday to make a start. I have time to make paintings and sketches, time to plant seeds and plants in the garden, time to work on the ideas I have and I don’t want to look back at this holiday and feel like I’ve wasted that time. Mid-ish 40s crisis here I come! 😉

What does your dream life look like? What are you doing to work towards it?